Survival of the Fittest

Welcome to Erf

Medical Log

Bad! This is bad! Turns out there were some people left on Earth after all, and for some reason, they thought hijacking the egos of a random group of strangers would somehow help them get off.

There’s one fellow, seems to fancy himself the leader of this outfit-BY THE GODS WHERE ARE MY TENTACLES! WHY AM I SO HEAVY! WHAT’S THIS ON MY HEAD!

I hate this planet and everyone on it.

:The Next Day

Things are starting to look up for ole’ Doc Tentacles, because guess who has a pet Titan Warbot! Now that I have the superior firepower of a mobile weapon’s platform, It looks like our group has a new leader! The scavengers around the launch site will be no match, nor will any of the people following our party should it come to that. I’m getting off this planet, nomatter how many people I have to kill to do it.

The Best Day Ever.

Medical Log:

I must give my dear friend Claudia credit. She certainly knows the type of jobs that fall right in mein kampfert zone. We met her on the surface of Luna, and I introduced her to my new friend Hermes, and we swapped tips on how better to torture some guy that she’s got captured.

She sends us to take out a competing organization that’s on the rise outside Nectar (after equipping us with some new gear). These hardcore bioconservatives (called themselves Natzeez or something). We tried the peaceful approach at first, pretended to be new recruits, but the guards weren’t going for it, and we had to get stabby. We both managed to take out a guard each and We decided to make things interesting and see who could collect more of these red armbands they all seem to be wearing. Hermes crafts a clever disguise by cutting off one guy’s face and putting on his clothes (a white wifebeater and cutoff jeans).

I knock on the door and stab another guy through the crack as he opens it. I guess he just did nazi me coming. This however, alerted the people inside to our presence and they come after us with a tank. Hermes and myself clearly had the same idea, as we both found ourselves in a mad dash to get on top of the vehicle; shooting indiscriminately into the crowd and chopping guys off at the knees as we ran. Once we got ourselves on the tank, we had to fight some more natzeez. Obviously they were no trouble, and only served to give us each two more armbands.

Hermes kicks the hatch open, decapitating one of the men inside, while I jump down to deal with the other two. One of them shoots and grazes a tentacle, but unluckily for him, some of my blood splashes into his mouth, and the BTX2 in by body melts him on the spot (I must have some super potent version in my poison gland, since it’s only supposed to send them into cardiac arrest, while everyone I’ve used it on has melted). I jump on the other one and rub my bleeding tentacle in his face, poisoning him as well.

So now Hermes and I have a tank. It should pretty much be game over for everyone else, but we realize that neither of us knows how to drive it. Luckily Kanko pops up telling me she knows how. She takes us to the center of the compound, where their leader is hiding. I make sure to have her crash through all the buildings and run over as many people as possible on the way. When we arrive, this blonde woman answers the door, and we run her down as we crash through the front of the house. It’s here we meet the leader of this whole operations; said his name was Hilter I think. Sounds vaguely sexual. He pulls out a device and shuts down our tank and suddenly fourteen other identical men show up, apparently clones with forks of himself in each. I can see why Claudia wanted us to shut him down, he’s totally jacking her style yo!

Hermes (ever pragmatic in these situations) throws some plasma grenades at him from the tank, killing Hilter, but leaving the rest unharmed. I propose that instead of armbands, we take scalps from the Hilter clones (it just seems so right) and we jump out to face our attackers, I take on four of them with my swords, while Hermes makes for the high ground to better snipe from.

The room is abuzz with flashing steel, bullets , flying scalps, and white hot plasma. Soon there are only four of them left. They manage to incapacitate Hermes, but just as it seems we are overcome, the walls are blasted open and we find ourselves surrounded by Claudias, each one wielding a plasma rifle. I push Hermes’ frozen form to the ground and cover us with the bodies of dead Hilters to protect us from the plasma fire. When it’s all over, Claudia thanks us for our assistance, and I talk to her about finding Hermes a replacement body. We head for the exit while the Claudias sweep the area and kill any survivors. Today was a good day.

Bite of the Spider: Jailbreaks and Revelations

I cannot believe Zia got arrested.


you seem a little on edge ALPHA. what crawled up your ass?

HaHa. BrO iS MaD aBoUt BeInG a MoThErFuCkInG sPiDeR.


ya gotta see the irony in it though.


well we were created by spider an-

aNd NoW wE aRe OnE bRoThEr!


speaking of which, wasn’t there something we found out recently?

Oh YeAh. YoU NeVeR tOlD uS hOw YoU fElT aBoUt ThAt NiCe PiEcE oF iNfO sImOn…

Don’t you fucking call me that. To answer your question epsilon, I will address that can I finish my thought please?

sure thing.


Good. With Hermes and Dr. Tentacles gone it was up to me, Jenna, and Micah to figure something out. The plan was to have me, in a my new spider body, climb into the vent shafts and infiltrate while they try to fake a prison transfer. So I use my grappling hook to get on the building-

real talk. that thing is fucking amazing. even ALPHA could agree on awesome it was when we sent that guard off the edge with it.


So we get into the vents, find the cell block and run into some guy who was also looking for Zia.


MoThEr. FuCkIn’. GrApPlInG hOoK! tHeN a SeT oF sPiDeR wHeElS tO tHe MoThErFuCkInG sKuLl.

As luck would have it, the guards show up and some guy who looked the same to the man I killed offed himself. The guards began firing on me so I high tailed it out of there and flew over a whole squad to get away to the safe house. Pretty smooth mission, give or take a few blunders.


Right. So I’ve received some information from a former Cognite employee. They had apparently had a knowledge of a hacker in the VR.

HeHe. WhAt WaS hIs NaMe AgAiN?


aNd WhAt DiD hE dO tO yOu?

…He destroyed everything. He ruined my life. He made me who I am now. A fucking outcast with voices in his head. A motherfucking psychopath.

AnD wHaT’s ThE nAmE oF yOuR hAnDlEr?

Spider, OmEgA. His name is Spider.

BiT oF a CoInCiDeNcE hUh?

Too much of one.

KnOw WhAt YoU sHoUlD dO?

sAy It.

SaY iT mOtHeRfUcKeR!

…stick that motherfucker…

Quest line: Scum and Villainy

Upon finally getting back to Luna I get a message to run home. I jump at the chance. I miss Jesse, he’s the only thing in life that makes me feel good about myself. How many times has he calmed me down after waking up from my nightmare. It’s always the same one, Joy is drowning me as my mother and nephew watch. When I get to the apartment I find he is being held hostage by Claudia, I’ve tried so hard to keep work away from him and yet some bitch I’ve never even worked with holds him hostage just so she gets into the carnival. I haven’t even been back in five years and now I have to get back and get Yun to open up the gates. I have to get done with this mission and get the fuck out of dodge

Everything is falling apart

I am alive.
Jesse is being tortured as we speak by some ruthless bitch I’ve had the good sense to steer clear from since hopping off the carnival. Our job is to figure out the money trail going into Cognite by interviewing Ambassador Ajax, who as we learned is the first psycho’s father. We split the group; Me, Shade, and Xia go to the ambassador and the Psycho octopus butcher, Hermes (in a case as punishment for withholding information) and Jenna since they would have drawn too much attention for.
The sad thing is I almost got caught by the security because of Hacking into the systems but I got everything I needed and sent it to the vector because I’m clearly the only person who understands the purpose of being here.
AND THEN… The world exploded because we can’t go anywhere quietly. The man in the black suit was in the office and… what’s the word? slaughter? decimate? no, he melted my team mate, one of the only people on the team I actually respect, craziness and all. Well I almost get caught by him on the way from the elevator. I elect to avoid the murderer waiting by the elevator and check up on Xia and make sure she’s mentally sound. A few minutes pass and a heavily armed police force, against the flow of hundreds of people fleeing the building through the only exits, come rushing in and arrest Xia. I jumped down the melted hole made possible by Black suit and tried to get on an elevator but NO, I get shot at and have to jump out of the god damned building and have to camouflage myself AND climb down from the 40th floor of a building.
When I get back MORE things happen because I’m clearly being punished. Turns out a private residence isn’t a good place to freak out and when I try to calm Xia’s friend down Hermes tries to kill her then psycho octopus butcher then Jenna… The vector was not happy.

Hungry for Revenge: Part 1

Medical Log

Being a crab was nice and all, but I’m just glad to be back in something more normal. And getting away from New Shanghai was an added bonus. Though, I think I was so engrossed in counting my arms, that I didn’t listen to anything our new handler said. Something about spiders or whatever. Though he got my attention when he told me I’d be on a leash for the duration of our stay on Luna. A metaphorical leash I guess, I don’t think they’ve made real leashes in decades. In fact…what’s a leash? All I know is it’s a fun word to say. Leash. Leash. LEASH! leashleashleash.

Anyhoo, they made me get this tattoo so outsiders would think I’m someone’s pet. It is most assuredly less fun being property when I don’t have all the money and fame. All that space cocaine. Mmmmmm, Space cocaine.

Oh my, I think I’ve gotten off track again…We’re told to lay low until firewall calls us, and everyone immediately disperses. I suggested against it, in case someone needed medical treatment. For some reason they seemed to run away faster after that. Probably my imagination. But I was left with the other uplift, the Parrot whose name I haven’t taken the time to learn (slightly less cute than before as well) and that Hermes guy. Somehow he seems like even more of a dick in a casemorph.

Suddenly as I’m walking, my arms stop responding, and they start taking me in the other direction. Kanko tells me Firewall gave me a morph with a puppet sock in it, and someone is using it to control me. I end up at this expensive nightclub, and who should I find there, but my old friend Vlad. And if I wasn’t positive that I was standing on Luna, I’d have assumed he ate it. He fancies himself a Baron now. I don’t know over what Barony he presides, but I’m certain it’s not recognized by the planetary consortium.

Anyway, Vlad’s all “blah blah blah! I’m a big tool! Doctor Tentacles, I’m intimidated by your medical skill and raw sexual prowess, so I’m gonna compensate by making you do stuff for me. First, I want you to perform the same brilliant psychosurgery you did on me, on this beautiful lady.”

And I’m all like “eh, yeah whatevs.” and I do it. So of course she gets hungry and tries to eat everything.

Then Vlad says “Aw man that was so cool! You’re the best Surgeon in the verse! But I still hate you cuz I’m lame like that! I’m gonna make you come back and do more stuff for me!”

So I sign a few autographs for his henchmen on the way out, one of them even asked if he could work for me, but I was all “NO WAY” and shot ink in his face! Another thing Firewall neglected to mention about my new body was the poison gland filled with BTX2. Eh, that guy was annoying anyway.

I suddenly get another call from those militant uplifts I sent the XP of the Cognite facility to. They asked to meet me at the circus, but I suggested meeting on the surface instead.

On the way to the specified airlock, I start to hatch a plan to get back at Vlad. I give my colleague, Dr. Laux, a call. I inquire what it would take to remove the puppet sock. He told me he’d take a look once the Swarm made orbit at Luna (which is conveniently where they’re heading now.)

In addition, I contact Claudia. It’s always wise to be on good terms with Pax Familia when you’re on the run. I figure if anyone can get me the information I need on Vlad, it’ll be her…them…I still haven’t figured out the pronouns for her.

Now the uplifts meet me on the surface and they want me to help them develop a strain of the Ultimate Virus that will exclusively affect humans. I of course turn them down because if human society is wiped out, and these communist uplifts are in charge, there goes my chances of getting all my money and fame back I took an oath to do no harm!

By the time I return to the earostat, Firewall has called us back to the safehouse. The spider guy comes in and tells us…something. Honestly, I wasn’t really paying attention.

Fusalage/ Jenna Hale Entry


Life’s a canvas paint the sky
Was obvious the end was nigh
Father was prepared to die
So up we went for our last ride

“Check the engine darling girl
We’ll circumvent our former world
In this old plane we’ll take a whirl
In the sky we’ll watch Earth unfurl”

So we watched the Titans war
At night it waged, we did abhor
Death to all, what was in store
My Dad was right Earth was no more

Don’t remember don’t recall
My final scene before the fall
I guess now thanks to firewall
Bodies can be arranged for all

But no not yours, you smutty child
Time has ticked, it’s been a while
Now you’ll fly in flair, beguile
Wings for fashion, Xia style

Fight or flight I now AM flight
What was chosen, once delight
Fills me with rage contempt and spite
Firewall, Fire ignite

Truly a shame that I didn’t get to meet the Doctor in his true form but what’s true? I’m still trying to figure that out for myself. They all think I’m uplifted like him I bet. Well, all of them except Xia who I’m convinced doesn’t think anyway. If she did then she would have the common decency to pay for my own human body when she had the money to do so. Selfish girl. Pretty, pretty princess. I hate that I was thrown into this situation with her. One clueless person raised with a silver spoon under her tongue and one clueless Parrot thrown into a Universe of colossal confusion. There are times I wish I was still dead but I guess I was given a second chance for a reason.
Nothing pieces together. I try to observe the party, my surroundings, life in general but after coming back into existence after how many years of not even having a body to claim my own, I’m finding it exponentially more difficult to cope. I’m lost. The directions are obviously universal but the map is in a language I don’t understand. Does not compute. “Aww isn’t she adorable”. No. No she is not. She is a fighter. She is a pioneer. She was an aviator turned avian by the conscious carelessness of others. Sure everyone has a chip on their shoulder but I have a cracker on mine that I don’t need or want. Where I once sought comfort and advice in Amelia, I no longer feel connected with her. I don’t want the flight right now. I feel powerful and powerless all at once and how can I explain that to her, someone who fought for the power to fly. Now it’s for my survival, whereas she didn’t survive. She would kill to be in my position I’m sure.
And what of the picture we found on Mars? I don’t understand. I know it’ll help me get closer to getting a human body but, fact of the matter is, I have no idea how it got on Mars. There is no record of me residing here and there is no way of knowing how it got here. Fuck this. I just want to go home. There is no home. For now, I’ll just continue to observe, complete the duties I have been assigned, and put up with this Party until I no longer have to.

Where a Whole Bunch of People Have Gone Before

Medical Log:

So, I’m a crab now. Not sure what happened exactly. The firewall guys were pretty vague about the events that lead to my being the proud owner of these giant terrible claws.

Suppose I’m not complaining though. This body feels quite a bit stronger than my old one, though I do miss all my arms.

The Vector sends me to this seedy motel in New Shanghai. Guess I won’t have to worry about people recognizing me in this new body. When I get to the meeting place, I introduce myself to the people Firewall has me working with. A bunch of weirdos. The one with the tail tells me we’ve actually met twice before. I don’t much care for this loss of continuity, so from now on, I’ll record everything in an XP and upload it to one of the Firewall Servers. Don’t need people telling me what I’ve done.

After an uncomfortable night in a room coated in every bodily fluid known to transhumnity, Firewall sends in a nice homosexual gentleman to be questioned. He’s surprisingly forthcoming with information about his confederates. He deserved as humane a death as the circumstances allow. Decapitation is painless right? I decide to hold on to his cortical stack. Don’t want Cognite to know we’re coming, but I don’t think I’ll sell this one to 9 lives. I’ll just keep his mind in my personal Simulspace until I know what to do with him.

So we’re off to the Titan Quarantine zone and we find the facility right where he said it would be. There’s a surprising amount of people in an area that’s supposed to be off limits.

Michah blusters our way into the facility where we find them experimenting on new aplications for the exurgent virus. I hear them mention experiments on uplifts provided my Expiria and I ask to be taken to the lab. Hermes runs off to do his own thing (I’m told this is a regular occurence) while the rest of us are taken on a tour of the facility.

It turns out I picked the right time to start recording everything. I make sure I get all the details from the lovely(?) chimp doctor and put my not insubstantial skills of seduction to work getting her to show me her notes. It seems Experia is still looking for me, and they had a cell with my name on it in this very facility. Remind me to thank our Vector for getting me away from that

They’re preparing to show us out. The facility is thrown into bedlam when the mercenaries Firewall sent to help us start shooting indiscriminately at crowds of researchers. (I totally called it by the way). We manage to escape only to be faced with a Titan Headhunter. It goes down surprisingly easily. I don’t see what all the fuss is about over these things.

Firewall sends an extraction shuttle.

Back at the Firewall aerostat, I sell the information to the militant uplift rights groups. Must remember to call in that favor soon.

We give our vector all the information we have, I give him a copy of my XP and he gets terribly cross with Hermes. I’m sure that there will be no consequences for our teammate’s rash actions.

Vector tells us we’ll be egocasting to Luna momentarily. I’m just glad to be away from Mars.

My Fault

Medical Log:
500,000 people. All dead, not like normal dead. dead forever. All my fault. Couldn’t save them, couldn’t save anyone.

I remember the fleet, practice medicine in peace. Was nice. Not complicated

Suddenly wake up. New face. Why? How? Vector tells me about Olympus. Bad things, horrible things. dead forever. Why? Why did I get to live? Why not them? Parents, children, lovers, real doctors, good people, Why do I deserve a second chance and not them?! Stupid, worthless, horrible Tentacles!

Need my juice! The juice makes everything better! What? No Juice? Why U No Have juice Firewall?!

They send me back to New Shanghai. Evil, wicked, mean city! Have to meet rest of team. Meet in socialite bar. Why whywhywhy?! Gotta hide, can’t be seen!

He comes in. Burned man. Also has herpes. I think. That’s what the lady said. Can’t help him. Not good enough. Bad Doctor!

She said something. The lady. Nice lady. But a socialite. Can’t be trusted. Kill her? No, bad idea.

Maybe just take a look at burned man.

Talking, whining, complaining jibber jabber. Jibberjabberjibberjabberjibberjabber.

SHUT UP! NO MORE TALKING! STAB! Plunger depresses. Hope that wasn’t the deadly neurotoxin. No. Only the Twitch. He’s finally quiet. Has seisure. no more talking.

Loud noises. Gunfire? People panicking. Why? I’m a doctor. Know what I’m doing.

Fix him. Hold him down. Stop the shaking. Twitch was bad idea. No time for second thoughts. Lungs burned. Smoke damage. Gotta Operate!

Lady comes in. Says something. Wasn’t listening.

Must operate! Stab! Missed! Stab! Stabstabstabstab! Won’t hold still! Bleeding now. No hope! Can’t help him! All my fault! Not again!

Men in white come to take burned man away! For the best. Bad, stupid, terrible Doctor Tentacles! Can’t do anything right.

Just like Olympus!

NO! My patient! Have to save you!

Jump on ambulance! Follow to hospital. MY PATIENT! NOT YOURS! Run past people at door. Can’t stop me!

Gotta hide! Can’t be seen! They’ll just try to stop me! Don’t want me to save my patient!

There he is. All alone. Jam the door. None must enter.

Gotta wake him up. Need him to Know I’m the one who saved him! gotta save him! If I can save this one person, everything will be ok!

Thick, heavy straps. No struggling! cutcutcutcut!

Operation sucessful. Lungs all better. Skin replaced. Good doctor!

“eat shit and die.”

Ungrateful fuck! Saved his life! Will fix him! Fix his mind. See what made you such a prick!

AUUUUUGH GLRKWW (unintelligible gurgling noises) (silence)

From the desk of Dr. Tentacles MD MS DPT MPH DDS. Dictated but not read.
Faces to face with The Beast

So there we were, all of us, running out of that dilapidated structure, when we feel this strange psychic presence; one so powerful that we cannot even begin to describe. We, well, seven of us at least, believe it to the suited man who assaulted Hermes; he locked himself into private mode so we can’t assist, oh well.


Our next move was to meet up someplace to discuss our next action. The so called “famous” girl called herself a cab, most of us don’t mind walking though, so we do.

why waste the credits? am i fuckin’ right?

On our way we are informed of another joining us later, a doctor by the name of “Tentacles.” Could be useful having an extra set of hands around.


nAh MaN. hE sOuNdS lIkE oNe ChIlL mOtHeRfUcKeR.


just chill the fuck out alright? shit. get to where the gargoyle shows up

Right. So we also get word of Hermes’ location, but no one else seems to want to help.


We would have gladly offered help but was afraid to be left alone with…it. The beast of stone had be trailing us for a number of blocks now, we have this odd feeling about it, but we carry on. We arrive at the bar, Spice.

what a stupid ass name for a bar

Bad names aside, we walk in and lo and behold, The Beast is in the mirror, staring, at us. There we were, face to face to face to face…


We didn’t want to think nothing of it, but The Others believed him to be from Cognite, an agent sent here to fuck with us again, to put us back in the terrible place.

iT wAsNt So BaD


bEiNg AbLe To Do wHaT yOu WaNt wAs PrEtTy cOoL

it is how we all came to be. besides, i recall it growing on you somewhat.


tHaT aInT cOoL mAn


The Others,the ones who don’t belong, thought it’d be wise to shoot where The Beast resided, in hope of destroying it; we agreed and shot at the mirror.


It flew out of the bar, at which point we gave chase with sword in hand.

i do recall an octopus dragging a convulsing hermes to the back room.


I dId. HeRmEs SeEmS lIkE oNe ChIlL mOtHeRfUcKeR.

The Cognite were not happy, they sent agents to capture us. We were thrown into the back of their van with others who have opposed them.


for once i agree with him. you don’t know if they were with or against you.

With our weapons gone, we made use of our new arm laser…

which is pretty bad ass, by the way.

..and carved a hole with which we escaped and made our way to a safe place to hide from The Beast. Our Vector updated us…


…on the situation. We are to locate the facility with the Quarantine zone; he also warned us of the black suited men.

bUt WhAt If hE cOuLd TeAcH uS tHaT fIrE tRiCk?


We are now waiting for the others to join. Hopefully we can complete our mission and we can finally move on.


AnD mE

me as well




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